Baseball gods blatantly troll Mariners with Jo Adell's Jose Canseco impression

The way we see it, Jo Adell owes the Seattle Mariners three home runs that will hopefully be paid in full by the end of the season. And yet there he was on Tuesday night at Angel Stadium, recklessly giving one away to the Colorado Rockies instead.

Does that say "recklessly?" Sorry, it should say "painfully." Adell literally used his head to aid rookie first baseman TJ Rumfield to his eighth home run of the season. All that was missing was an audible "Doink!" followed by the sad trombone sound effect.

Either time is a flat circle, or the baseball gods are out of ideas. This is just a soulless reboot of the Jose Canseco play that will be played on blooper reels until the end of time. It was funnier in standard definition, damn it.

Sorry, but it hasn't even been two months since Adell single-handedly denied the Mariners of three homers in a game they lost to the Angels by a 1-0 final. It was insult and injury colliding in real time. For anyone rob three homers in a single game is ridiculous. A notoriously poor outfielder like Adell doing so felt like a cosmic joke.

Which Adell is the real Adell in 2026? Well, he's in the red for Defensive Runs Saved and Outs Above Average, so he's more like the one who oopsed a homer into existence. That should be infuriating, but it's worth presupposing that maybe it isn't. With 10 more games left to play against Adell and the Angels, there may yet be hope that he'll switch his mode vs. the Mariners from taketh to giveth.

At least it's looking like Jo Adell's home run shenanigans aren't going to cost the Mariners

OK, look. If anyone got "Old man yells at cloud" energy from all of the above, that's fair. Players are allowed to make both high- and low-lights, after all, and nothing in the tea leaves suggest that Adell's Jekyll and Hyde defense is going to cost the Mariners.

It's not like he gifted that home run to a division rival, and the three he stole from the Mariners back in April look like water under the bridge. The Mariners remained stuck in the mud for weeks after that, but time and eight-game winning streaks heal all wounds. They now have a 2.5-game lead in the AL West, and they still have Cal Raleigh and Brendan Donovan waiting to come off the IL.

Bragging rights like these should make it easier to stop trying to squeeze juice from sour grapes. And believe us, they do. But until they make it illegal to have confidence and hold a grudge at the same time, we maintain that Adell owes the Mariners three homers.

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