MLB Network pitches laughable solution to Mariners' offensive problems

So, here's the situation: The Seattle Mariners are off to an ice-cold start offensively in 2025, and it happens that one of the best hitters in recent MLB history is still a free agent.

Yet as much as this would seem to be a square peg staring down a square hole, here's the reality: J.D. Martinez and the Mariners are not ideal partners, and a union might not even be workable anyway.

This is not a concept we're plucking out of thin air. It was originally conjured on MLB Network on Wednesday, specifically by Greg Amsinger and Harold Reynolds on "MLB Tonight." Roll footage!

“J.D. Martinez is sitting on the couch right now,” Amsinger said, as transcribed by Lauren Campbell of MassLive. "J.D. Martinez is watching this show right now. J.D. Martinez, two years ago, hit 30 home runs and drove in over 100 runs for the Dodgers. You need someone to help out [Julio Rodríguez] and Cal Raleigh in the middle and Randy Arozarena. It’s just not clicking right now in Seattle.”

It's a sound idea at first, but the picture gets murkier once you really sit down and think it through.

J.D. Martinez is not the offensive savior the Mariners are looking for

The 37-year-old Martinez would strictly be a DH if he and the Mariners came to an agreement. The position has indeed given them trouble so far, contributing a .157/.200/.177 slash line to an offense that is collectively batting .200/.303/.333 and scoring only 3.46 runs per game.

Martinez has the credentials for the gig. The 2023 season that Amsinger referenced was his sixth as an All-Star, and it put the cap on a decade's worth of work in which he hit 291 home runs with a 141 OPS+.

However, Martinez's 2024 season with the New York Mets raised some real red flags.

Though the slugger continued to make good contact — his barrel rate was in the 94th percentile — he also struck out in 28.5 percent of his plate appearances after posting an even worse 31.1 K% in 2023. He was ultimately a non-factor in the second half of 2024, battling injuries and posting a .623 OPS when he did play. He ended up spending time on the bench in September and October.

Martinez wrapped last season with a modest 105 OPS+ and 16 home runs. An outlier relative to 2023, perhaps, but not to a 2022 season in which he similarly showed signs of decline for the Boston Red Sox.

Meanwhile in Seattle, the Mariners have already had to ditch one DH by releasing 34-year-old Mitch Haniger, and you really have to wonder if Mitch Garver (who's also 34) will be next. He managed just a 86 OPS+ in his debut as a Mariner in 2024, and he's 3-for-21 with no homers so far in 2025.

To sign Martinez, then, would be a case of the Mariners hoping the third time would be the charm with an aging DH. And this is to say nothing of the 1-for-20 showing by 30-year-old Rowdy Tellez, who's also seen time at DH. It's also to say nothing of how the M's would arguably be wise to keep the position open for Jorge Polanco, who's had trouble literally staying on the field at third base.

There is also the question of whether Martinez would even be willing to listen if the Mariners came calling. He has nothing left to prove at this stage of his career, and we know from his thoughts on Oracle Park that he's wary of pitcher-friendly stadium. T-Mobile Park is even worse in this regard, indeed rating as by far the least hitter-friendly venue in MLB.

The Mariners would be better off pursuing alternative offensive upgrades, whether we're talking prospect promotions or trade targets who could specifically replace the injured Victor Robles in the outfield. With all respect to Martinez, he's just not the answer.