Sorting Seattle Mariners Into Hogwarts Houses

It’s the All-Star Break. No meaningful baseball will be played until Friday. I’ll spend the All-Star game hoping no Mariners get hurt or arrested. But since we have no baseball to break down, why not have some fun?

As you can probably surmise, I am an ultra nerd. I love the Seattle Mariners. I love the Seattle Seahawks. And yes, I love Harry Potter, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, Comic Book Movies, CBS Big Brother, and Pokemon. In fact, I am what is known as a serial obsessive. There is a very little grey area for me. I either love something, hate it, or have never given it a try, thus have no opinion on it.

As a “Potterhead”, one of the central themes when discussing the books or movies is, ” what house do you belong too”? By the way, way too many of you are thinking Gryffindor right now. If you don’t know what Gryffindor is, stop reading because this article is not for you.

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The difficult part of sorting pro athletes, celebrities, or fictional characters, is that we really don’t know who they actually are, just the side we get to see. As somebody who has never met a player on the Mariners roster, I have no idea how they are off the field. Or very little idea at least.

So sorting these players into their perspective houses based on the front the make public is difficult. Actually, it’s impossible. But it’s the All-Star Break, I miss the Mariners, and want to have some fun. So let’s do this thing, okay?

So here, for entertainment purposes only, is the Seattle Mariners sorted into their Hogwarts Houses with 100%”ish” accuracy.