2018 Seattle Mariners Commercial Rankings
Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen the new Mariners commercials and would like to be surprised, do NOT continue reading. Go enjoy yourself with these masterpieces and then come back to see if you agree with these rankings.
It’s everyone’s favorite time of the Spring. Kevin Martinez and his group of video editing junkies gathered together with the players and some cameras to shoot new Mariners commercials. Such as human nature, we have ranked them and also have awards to hand out for best picture, best actor and more. Without further ado, let’s see how these commercials rank.
5. Mound Visit
Something had to take up the last spot. It’s not that this clip wasn’t funny, it’s just that it was the least funny of the 5. Making fun of the new six mound visits rule, the pitcher tries to figure out what to throw Robinson Cano while he is in the box. They call Robby out to the mound to get his input but he says he will crush whatever the pitcher throws. Which he does. There wasn’t too much substance to this clip, however it does contain a few good one liners.
4. Big Maple
We begin with Nick Vincent and Ryon Healy standing near the cage. Healy, new to the team, asks an honest question: why is James Paxton named the “Big Maple”. Vincent explains, however there is a part of James nickname that we never knew. He takes off his cap to reveal a bird’s nest and eggs in his hat. He finished it off with the eggs hatching and the normally steel faced James Paxton showed some Proud Dad emotion. The emotion alone was good enough to compete for the 3rd spot but James and his bird babies rank number four in our countdown.
3. Work Related Injury
While this may not seem to be the best idea due to the many injured Mariners dealing with work related injuries, this one is pure gold. An opposing pitcher is in a doctor’s office and the doc asks if this is a work related injury. The pitcher has a flashback of Nelson Cruz hitting monster home runs and the pitcher has to crank his neck every time to watch the ball fly over the fence. Of course, he best part is when Nelson himself comes in to check on his new friend. First off, that seems like something Nelson would do. And then he says “Hey buddy…” with that dazzling smile and Work Related Injury shot through the ranks. I seriously contemplated making this number one but after some further consideration, it fits in at number 3.
2. Art of the Frame
Our annual Felix commercial did not disappoint. Felix is shown painting corners like the Felix of old and Mike Zunino is framing the pitches like he always has. However Mike took “framing” a bit too far, bringing a real picture frame to the plate. He quick cameo from Mitch Haniger is my favorite part followed by Segura’s quick “That’s amazing!” Both of which helped push “Art of the Frame” up to the number two spot. Felix was not impressed however and decided that he can paint a better one, stealing the ball from Zunino’s glove.
We knew this was coming. After last year, there had to be something about hair. When this commercial was teased, we saw Kyle Seager and Ben Gamel in a bathroom. I half hoped this was going to be a bit of a rehash of last year’s Cano/Edgar commercial. This was so much better. Kyle, who is incredibly funny even though he is always quiet, is trying to perfect the hair flip. Except for one problem.
Our bald little comedian lacks the luscious locks that adorn Ben Camel’s head. Gamel the shows Kyle how to really do the hair flip, giving him a bit of a side eye as if to see if Kyle is impressed. Then Kyle, In the only way he could, tells Gamel that he will work on it. The interaction between the two pushed Flip to our number one spot. Let’s be honest, whichever one Kyle Seager is in is generally the funniest.
Best Picture: Flip
I mean obviously since it was our number one.
Best Dialogue: James Paxton
Since James is always so serious and quiet, his Dialogue from Big Maple wins this award. Mainly for his part in the bloopers where James says to the eggs, “I can’t wait for you to meet Uncle Felix.”
Best Actor: Kyle Seager
Kyle’s attempts at hair flips earn him the award for best actor along with being a good sport about his lack of hair.
Best Soundtrack: Big Maple
With endearing music playing behind Paxton while he looked at his eggs, Big Maple wins our Best Soundtrack Award. It created a soft side a James we have never seen before.
Next: Could Ichiro Help Mariners in 2018?
The M’s commercials never disappoint but th 2018 versions seemed extra special and better than they have been in years past. Well done production crew.