Bobbleheads Cause Hypnosis, Mariners Bats Asleep


There are copycats in the world.  People who emulate something because of a plethora of reasons.  It could be that they find someone attractive, so they copy their style, their fashion, or their personality.  It could be that they find a way to make more money, so they copy their techniques, their skills, or their ethics.  These people usually have low self-esteem, being that they are unable to formulate their own thoughts or opinions.  These people are usually annoying, being that those thoughts or opinions are just regurgitated ideas.  John Danks is a copycat.

He joins a barrel full of pitchers who have owned the Seattle Mariners.  Over the past two years, Colby Lewis has gone 3-1 while only giving up eight earned runs.  In that same time frame, Jered Weaver has gone 4-1 while only giving up 8 earned runs.  Since 2010, Danks has a 5-0 record against Seattle, giving up only three earned runs over the course of five starts.  John Danks wants to emulate other pitchers who have had success against the mariners.  After tonight, those pitchers will be emulating him.

Tonight, nothing good happened to the Mariners.  Danks went the distance, giving up three hits, while striking out ten batters and only walking one.  Tonight, we have to look hard for a good story.

Of the three Mariner hits tonight, they consisted of: a first ballot hall-of-famer, the first guy at a buffet-line, and an up-and-coming major leaguer.  Ichiro Suzuki, Miguel Olivo, and Kyle Seager were the only Mariner hitters to check in with a hit.  This is a bit concerning, since Danks is the epitome of an average pitcher, posting a 1.315 WHIP and a .304 BABIP.  Good golly, is that average.

One thing that we hope for the future of this team is to just be average.  To compete at an average level.  To get to .500.  That Ichiro hit was kind of a cheat, too.  It was weakly hit, and snuck right under the glove of Brent Morel.  That’s fifty-one more hits, for those who still think he’ll reach the two-hundred milestone again.  Of the thirty-one games left, that’s about one and-a-half hits a game.  Mmm, I don’t know.

The Mariners just looked lost tonight.  I think their minds were occupied with something else.  Something mysterious.  As everyone in baseball knows, tonight was Larry Bernandez Bobblehead night.  Larry threw out the ceremonial first pitch, and the PA announcer described him in an interesting choice of words:

"“He is one of the most dominant pitchers in baseball.”"

This is intriguing, because doing the pre-game show, Larry Bernandez was quoted, saying:

"“I haven’t pitched since spring training.”"

I don’t know if the PA announcer was misinformed.  I don’t know if this is an alternate reality where not pitching means you are actually a dominant pitcher.  If that’s the case, the Mets will be truly delighted in Miguel Batista.

Tomorrow, the Mariners attempt to salvage the series.  I always thought that was an interesting saying.  Salvage would imply that something was there to begin with, that the person doing the salvaging is collecting discarded materials.  That’s very rude to say that we discarded our time watching these baseball games!