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Bad Investments

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So last night during American Idol my wife and I got talking (she watches AI, while I listen to the game…don’t judge, it works for us). She has been wanting a Franklin Gutierrez jersey and while I have my Felix jersey and my son has his Ichiro jersey we had never gotten her any real “Mariner gear”.

So I decided to go ahead and get her Franklin Gutierrez jersey. We actually have family in Arlington and are driving out for Felix’s presumed start April 6th. So it would be fun to have the family represent Seattle down in Texas.  Plus I’m sure she is going to take the opportunity, being that we are sitting around Center Field, to give her letter to Gutierrez so why not dress her up too. (that last sentence was just an excuse to plus the Chase Utley video… one of my favorite things in all of Youtube.)

Well, so there is the “background” but while jersey shopping I couldn’t help but become distracted with some… well bad investments.

First off, here we have awesome reliever #50 Jamey Wright. Why is this a bad investment? Well… I could give a multitude of bullet points but instead I just came up with a flow chart.

Not trying to do any name calling but if you want to purchase a Jamey Wright jersey then you deserve it.

Next we have #6 Chris Woodward.

  • First thought: Woodward is a career .241/.298/.367 even if you thought he is under appreciated defensively he’s only a utility infielder. Side note: if you thought he was under appreciated I imagine you’re a big supporter of Christina Aguilera, Silent Films and have Wisconsin winning the NCAA tournament in your bracket. (What I did there is google underappreciate and used the first usable three links, GENIUS!)
  • Second thought: Chris Woodward just signed a minor league contract with the Toronto Blue Jays. So wearing this to a Blue Jay-Mariner game could get awkward, even more so if he’s stuck in AAA.

Next we have #69 Jose Flores.

  • First thought: I see the potential for a lot of college kids to buy this jersey.
  • Second thought: Jose Flores is a Rule-V draft pick, it’s likely that he gets returned back to Cleveland.
  • Third thought: People will laugh when you told them you payed 99.99 for a single-a ball player’s jersey that no one had heard of prior to December.
  • Last thought: This jersey will most likely have more buyers after Flores is returned than when he was actually in the organization.

Next up, #27 Matt Tuiasosopo.

  • The guy can’t hit.
  • The guy can’t field.
  • We need a roster spot + he has a roster spot = Don’t buy this jersey.

Here we have #37 Cesar Jimenez. Instead of listing the reasons not to buy a Cesar Jimenez Seattle Mariner jersey I decided to actually list the reasons someone might buy the jersey.

  • If they wanted to pretend they were Felix’s best friend
  • If they wanted to pretend it was 2007 not 2011.
  • If someone actually had amnesia and a family had to pretend it was always 2007 (see: Mitch Lemon).
  • If someone felt that Luke French was too much of a sure thing.
  • If they mistakenly purchased this because they thought Ubaldo Jimenez was on the Mariners.

Then lastly…#49 Garrett Olson.

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