The Secret Life of the Mariners Bullpen (Part One)
[If people like this series, I’ll continue it. If not, I’ll scrap it. And Let it be said that I am not attempting to create fanfiction. Rather, I am endeavoring to make fun of fanfiction. Just putting that out there.]
Setting: the M’s clubhouse, after a loss to Anaheim.
Aardsma: Okay guys, I’ve called you all here today to discuss something very impo– Brandon, what are you doing here? Aren’t you a starter?
Morrow: Um, like I have any idea with this organization.
Aardsma: Hmm. Okay then. As I was saying, it has come to my attention that– Um, Miguel, could you not do that while I’m making a speech?
Batista: (soulfully playing saxophone)
Aardsma: Why haven’t we DFA’d him yet?
White: I have no idea. I figured it was to trade him while he still had value, but Zduriencik kind of blew that.
Kelley: I don’t think he even speaks English. Hello? Hello???
Aardsma: AS I WAS SAYING. It has come to my attention that Randy Messenger has been called up to the big league club.
Kelley: This is absolutely unacceptable. They can’t just DO that, can they?
White: This could…..tear apart the very core of everything we believe in.
Jakubauskas: What is Zduriencik THINKING?
Aardsma: My thoughts exactly, boys. So I propose we put Plan M into motion.
Lowe: Plan M? But….that’s a very last resort. We said we would only use Plan M in an emergency.
Aardsma: Hey! Calm down, everyone. Just REMAIN calm. Brandon, do you still have your pink backpack?
Jakubauskas: I think he left, Aardy.
Aardsma: That kid needs to make up his mind.
Kelley: I still have mine.
White: Surely you’re not suggesting we….
(A look of horror dawns on their faces)
Aardsma: Yes. We strike at dawn.
Lowe: Guys, I think Batista is a spy.