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Mariners Trade-a-Day: Filling the Shoes of a Ryan Divish Commenter

By Ty Gonzalez

WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 17: Mike Trout #27 of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the American League signs autographs for fans at the 89th MLB All-Star Game, presented by MasterCard red carpet at Nationals Park on July 17, 2018 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images)
WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 17: Mike Trout #27 of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the American League signs autographs for fans at the 89th MLB All-Star Game, presented by MasterCard red carpet at Nationals Park on July 17, 2018 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images) /
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Hey guys, it’s ya boy YunieskyLuvver69 here with another trade article. Today, the Mariners are going to become the best team in baseball. Here’s how.

Jerry Dipoto is the greatest general manager of all time. He can make any deal happen, despite inheriting one of the worst farm systems in all of baseball. One man’s trash is another man’s dinner, I always say!

The Mariners have a lot of holes, but there is a trade out there waiting for them and I can’t believe Jerry hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. It’s probably because ownership only cares about money. Haven’t they heard that scared money don’t make none?!

Well, if that’s the case, this deal will make them a lot of money as it will put BUTTS in SEATS!

TRADE PROPOSAL

How does this deal work? Because MLB The Show 18 told me it would. Albeit I turned the trade sliders off and I still had to make Trout a 60 overall, but that’s neither here nor there.

I think this deal makes sense for all sides. The Angels are TERRIBLE and are wasting Trout’s God-gifted talent in that abomination of a stadium. Billy Eppler and the boys should do him a solid and let him go to a city where he can really expand his brand.

It’s not like the Angels don’t get anything for him, either. In this deal, I have them receiving Andrew Romine, who’s one of the more unique players in baseball. The guy has played ALL NINE positions in ONE GAME. That’s way more valuable than some silly centerfielder.

They also get Trout’s replacement in Jacoby Ellsbury which is an absolute steal for them. Why aren’t the Yankees playing this guy? Only seven years ago, he was worth 9.4 fWAR. He can definitely get back to that kind of production with a change of scenery.

The biggest part of this trade is acquiring our beloved Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, the true MVP of the 2017 NFL season.

Getting Russell on this team gives the Mariners someone who knows how to be a true champion in their locker room as they enter the playoffs. Sure, they’re giving up their top prospect for him, but who needs prospects when you can have LOCKER ROOM PRESENCE.

Plus, Russell hit .228 in A-ball for the Rockies in 2011. I know that’s not great, but those numbers are at least better than stinking Mike POOnino!

Just look at how well the Ichiro situation has gone. As a matter of fact, Ichiro should un-retire because that Guillermo Heredia can’t hit the broad side of a barn. At least Ichiro can rob home runs still.

Here’s how the new Mariners lineup shapes up after the deal:

  1. LF Dee Gordon
  2. SS Jean Segura
  3. CF Mike Trout
  4. 2B Russell Wilson
  5. DH Nelson Cruz
  6. RF Mitch Haniger
  7. C Ichiro
  8. 1B Ryon Healy
  9. 3B Kyle Seager

Boom. I just fixed the Mariners. You can thank me later, guys. Leave a comment down below telling me how I did, and don’t forget to smash that like button so you can be entered into my 325,000,000,000,000 Fortnite V-Bucks giveaway.

(This post was just a joke.)

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