Sorting Seattle Mariners Into Hogwarts Houses

Slytherin

Well, if I am going to demand fairness for Hufflepuff, I guess I should do the same for Slytherin. Not every Slytherin was evil. I mean, hello, Professor Snape might be the bravest character in the entire freaking series.

But Slytherin’s value ambition, cunning, and resourcefulness. And evil doing. Okay fine I’ll stop. Here are the Slytherin’s we have found:

• Felix Hernandez

• Robinson Cano

• James Pazos

• Mike Leake

• Edwin Diaz

Ambition is the key word for Felix and Cano. Both are very interested in their legacy. Cano wanted to hit the most HR by a second baseman in baseball history. Felix was so stuck in returning to his glory days, he stubbornly refuses to adjust to his new strengths.

Now, Edwin Diaz is a bad man. Not dark wizard bad, but bad nonetheless. There are some guys you sort into a house because it’s obvious. Some are tough but ultimately land in one house or the other. And some just seem like they belong in the house, so you put them there. Both Pazos and Diaz fall into the latter category for me.

Mike Leake might be a surprise for some people. Ignore the ambition qualification, but no 2 words may describe Leake’s pitching style more than cunning and resourcefulness. The difference between the Ravenclaw pitchers and Leake is just the nerdy persona LeBlanc and Marco portray. So as a result, Mike Leake is a Slytherin.

Now, the moment I’m sure you’ve been waiting for is here. Let’s talk about the most overrated house in the Harry Potter universe.