Sorting Seattle Mariners Into Hogwarts Houses

Hufflepuff

Okay, let’s start by making 1 thing clear: Hufflepuff is not a bad house. It’s not even the worst house. As a proud Hufflepuff myself, I will not allow you to besmirch my house. Hufflepuff is a great house. They value hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty and fair play. You know, the basic qualities of being a good person?

Anyways, with those qualifications in mind, here is our list of Mariners who are Hufflepuff’s:

• Kyle Seager

• Mitch Haniger

• Ben Gamel

• James Paxton

• Edgar Martinez

Yeah, that’s right, Mitch Haniger, James Paxton, and Edgar freaking Marinez are Hufflepuffs. Kick an scream all you want, but you know it’s true. Just look at the qualities, and tell me they aren’t obvious fits.

Kyle Seager went from slap-hitting second baseman to power hitting, Gold Glove-winning third baseman. Hard work, dedication, and patience. Mitch Haniger went asked to go back to A ball, reworked his swing. He didn’t make his MLB debut until he was almost 26-year-olds. Hard work, dedication, patience.

Edgar Martinez is such a Hufflepuff it isn’t even debatable. He literally checks all the boxes. He spent his entire career in the Mariners organization. Loyalty. He was stuck in AAA for years despite clearly being ready. Patience. Hard work and dedication speak for themselves. And in an era where steroids were rampant, Edgar hasn’t even been causally linked to any wrongdoing. Fair play. He’s a Hufflepuff, accept it.

Now as for Ben Gamel and James Paxton, they can go in a few directions. I am open for conversation on those two. Ultimately, it was the hard work of Paxton to reinvent his arm slot and Gamel’s patience to wait for his shot despite outperforming several top prospects in the Yankees system.

Let’s move along.