Seattle Mariners Gifts for the Discerning Fan

Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Santa Claus might not be making a stop at A-Rod’s house this year, but I’m fairly confident he’ll be making his way to mine. As with every year, I’ve tried to be good, tried not to boo the Yankees too much, and tried to be supportive of a team that perpetually breaks my heart. You’re damn right I’m not on the naughty list. I’ve got nice written all over me.

Jack Zduriencik already got the ultimate gift with a half-billion dollar baseball player. But what can buy for the Mariners fan with a little bit less money lying around? As it turns out, there are plenty of incredible Seattle Mariners gifts out there for the Mariners fan who has everything.

Mini-Mariners Helmet and Stand

For the low-low price of $14.99, you too can own a small piece of Mariners gear. And I mean small.  Just to be clear, this is a MINI helmet, so don’t go buying this one if you were hoping to impress your friends in your Thursday night softball league. It just won’t fit.

On the bright side, this is an ideal size for your furry friends, so you can dazzle your Grandma on Facebook with more funny cat pictures.

Lego Dustin Ackley

This can be combined with your Seattle Mariners Lego Infield and Outfield too! The best part about these is that you don’t need to settle for two-dimensional depth charts anymore. Want to know what Dustin Ackley looks like playing left field? Put him there! Can Jesus Montero be a pitcher? With the Mariners lego set he can!

Also of note, the Ackley lego dude comes with a sweet beard.

The downside of this should be pretty obvious. You’re going to hate Justin Smoak even more when your kids leave him on the floor and you step on him in the middle of the night.

Granite Baseball and Bat

If you thought hitting home runs in Safeco was hard before, just wait until you try doing it with this granite bat and ball set. I’m a little bit curious if it’s even possible to drill this one out and cork it.

This might actually come in handy as a home security system. Nothing is going to scare a burglar away faster than a stone bat. If you can muster the strength to swing it, you would most certainly hurt something (maybe yourself).

Bonus: You can use this to smash your TV when the M’s get walked-off in extra innings next year.

Bat and Baseball Pimp Cane

Not exactly Mariners related, but incredibly useful nonetheless. This might also be nice to have for those snowy days around Seattle, when you just don’t want to slide all the way down the hill to the Sound.

Lets face it, Huggy Bear is a tough guy to buy for.

The only way that this would be better is if you could take the ball off the top and start an impromptu game of stickball in the street. Although, you could always combine it with the granite ball and start a wicked game of croquet.

Whatever you find for your Mariners fan this year, I think we can all agree that 90 wins would be the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Happy Holidays everyone!