If They Were Beer: A New Series


There are 2 things you’ll need to know about me before this series of posts will make any sense. First, I occasionally suffer from insomnia. In the middle of the night, the brain work in brain works in ways that it really shouldn’t. This is the genesis for this possibly stupid idea.

Second, I’m a complete beer snob. I very rarely drink at all. When I do, I like to really enjoy the taste of what I’m consuming. I also like to try new things, have some unique tastes, and don’t tend to like things that every else does. So if I bash on your favorite brew, don’t take it too seriously. It’s all in good fun.

I’m also not going to explain my metaphors. You can all figure them out. Just know that while I’m talking in beer terms, I am still mostly talking about the players. Also, don’t be surprised if my metaphors change from player to player, or beer to beer.

Today we’ll start with the outfielders and work our way through the roster, ending on Friday with the starting pitchers. Enjoy.

Other Entries in the Series:

Infielders: Tuesday

Catchers and Designated Hitters: Wednesday

Relief Pitchers: Thursday

Starting Pitchers: Friday


Ichiro Suzuki – Green Chili Beer, Ftat Branch Brewing – Colombia, MO

Very unique beer that is better than you’d think, given it’s ingredient list. Definitely a one of a kind flavor profile, that is fairly polarizing; people either love it or hate it. Overall I think it’s a very interesting beer, but I’m not willing to pay to fly to Missouri just to get it.

Franklin GutierrezBlack Butte Porter – Deschutes Brewing, Bend, OR

One of my all time favorites. Great dark color and very smooth flavor. Up front hop bitterness is balanced really well with the distinctive roasted finish. A bit light on the alcohol, but with a flavor that good it hardly matters.

Casper Wells: Imperial Russian Stout – Stone Brewing Co, San Diego, CA

Very dark color with almost no carbonation. Managed to remain balanced despite being one of the most darkly roasted beers you’ll find. Anise finish seems oddly out of place.

Trayvon RobinsonSteptoe Stout, Palouse Falls Brewing, Pullman, WA

Not a particularly good beer, but is slowly improving at the newly founded brewing company refines it’s craft. Being too light on the alcohol, and the lack of deeper secondary flavors are unfortunate, as the controlled bitterness and solid malting give promise that ends up being unfulfilled.

Michael Saunders – Bud Lite, Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, MO

Bland, flavorless, colorless, awful. Loved by the masses, but I can’t figure out why. Will never be allowed in my refrigerator.

More to come tomorrow