My only bit of advice, learned when I was in high school a hundred or so years ago: don’t overuse “that.” It’s a habit a lot of writers get into but it’s not always necessary. Example: “he’s going out there every day and proving that he’s up to the task,” vs. “he’s going out there every day and proving he’s up to the task.” Same sentence, really, just a bit more concise.

I’m proud of your work – you’re making a great start and it’s clear you know how to write. Keep it up.